Domestic violence, domestic abuse, domestic beating...how domestic to I have to be to qualify as domestic. Does abuse in a committed relationship qualify for abuse? A person in a relationship publicly declared as formal, liable to punishment if he or she abuses the other! A lot of young men and women do not want to get married, for the fear of the detour that they have to take if they decide to separate. Also, they are spared from rules that apply to domestic abuse.
So, if I am committed to a man, and he tortures me emotionally, beats me when he is drunk or tortures me to the extent that am mentally and physically bruised, is there nothing I can do about? He has the license to misbehave because he can always claim not to know me, and wander scot free. It leaves a man or woman at the receiving end so vulnerable. Men or women who are commitment phobic, fear taking responsibilities as much as they fear being accountable for their actions.
The man I loved ever so much left me in a jiffy. Because I exposed his infidelity. He had no remorse, no apologies for me. He was fearless. He knew, I will not be able to charge him, or drag him to the legal corridors. But if he were married, he would have had questions to answer, battles to fight and alimony to pay. Now that he could not stop cheating, he threw me out. So, did I or can the system do anything to ensure he does not emotionally wound another girl. That he does not mentally abuse and destroy a human life?
Why does being in a relationship leaves me vulnerable to all sorts of atrocities. Is intangible loss of peace, respect and confidence so intangible, that we find it hard to quantify it? Every man or woman, who has suffered at the hands of his or her lover would vouch that the wounds heal but bitterness remains. It would subside when there is justice met out. You feel defenseless, exposed and so helpless despite all the wealth and education.
People on the other side of the fence would always find reasons such as "you were in the relation out of choice", "you could have walked out",. Well, marriage is also out of choice. Then why do the rules that apply to two so different. They will not be able to understand or empathize with the gravity of damage, till they go through it. If parents can be punished for making their children work, why a man who damages the mental balance of a human being can’t be pulled up and made to pay for his doings. Is the value of a human life so low, or makings laws for man-woman relationship, not married, beneath the dignity of the tall and mighty court of justice.
I am no lawyer, so my knowledge about my rights and laws that exist for me is very limited. But, if there are rules that apply to relationships, we need to spread awareness. With India Inc. changing the face of the country, there needs to be provision for respecting emotions and acknowledging emotional pain as pain. Monetary loss, physical loss is all well taken care of (actually not so much, the speed of justice met out is glacial); is emotional loss no loss, is giving love exposing me without any resort. Being abused behind the closed doors, not abuse till my status is "Unmarried". Do I have to be married to be eligible for justice? Does the court of law discriminate between the tears of a woman who is married vis a vis one who is equally committed, just not married. What changes so drastically after a wedding that tables turn, the equation of the citizen and court gets altered.
All NGOs and women supporters rise on the occasion of domestic violence. But, no one comes to rescue the unmarried girl who has committed the sin of loving a person. If a husband has no right to beat up his wife, which article of the Indian constitution advocates a guy to do so with his partner? The fact we don’t discuss this topic actively is a reflection of our perception of a relationship which is not marriage.
We despise human relations and fight for protection. So self contradictory. The guy, who was never dealt with, when he was an abusive partner, will surely go on to be an abusive husband. We’d rather treat the crisis when it is nascent than allow it to become a habit and make the picture rancid.
I for one want to get married, for the right reasons like love and passion; Not for legal security and social cover.
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1 comment:
Hey Gunja. I came across this post just today while I was trawling the net, feeling quite bored.
Now, given the fact that I know the man in question here, I will not comment on his complicity or lack thereof in the matter as it would not be a good example of an impartial or unbiased opinion.
However, the geek in me feels compelled to explain why the law (and I mean, only the law and not people) gives a special status to marriage. Marriage is considered to be a legally established institution. Typically, all entities (possessions) in the marriage are considered to be community property of the marriage (think of it like an incorporated trust or something). When anything or anyone affects the integrity of the trust, it is considered to be a threat to the institution. If the perpetrator is a part of the institution, the institution fails, as removing the perpetrator renders the institution null and void. Sadly, no such legal recognition exists anywhere for a committed relationship. From a legal standpoint, "marriage" is what grants the individuals the legal rights to defend yourself as a part of the institution. In all other cases, it's merely your right to defence as an individual, be it against your boy/girl friend, your fiance/fiancee or any random stranger on the street. Legally.
The right or wrong of it is, of course, open to debate.
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